When I Am President: The Feline Solution

When I am President I will work on a comprehensive jobs program to put all Americans to work. These people will be put to work solving issues that we face as a nation. One of the biggest issues are cats.

That's right. Cats. Felines. Aka Felis silvestris catus. Those furry pieces of shit that look cute and cuddly but are waiting for the moment you drop dead to feast upon your rotting flesh. 

Be not confused my fellow Americans. Cats are evil. They do nothing for this nation but eat the kibble that could be better put to use in the food bowls of good loyal American dogs.

As President I will put Americans to work, I will employ them to hunt down every cat in America. 

All feral cats will be slaughtered and used for meat. We will give the meat to people on welfare, or we will sell it to Chinese restaurants, or we will put it into animal food. Maybe we can even feed it to zoo animals. We could even give it to Africans as foreign aid.

Now right now you are worrying about your little stinking furry pussy at home. Rest assured your rancid little piece of shit animal is safe. For now.

BUT. There will be mandatory sterilization. So even though your cat will be safe and sound, it will never have offspring. 

Also there will be a $200 tax for every cat. Importation of new house cats (legally and scientifically know as Felis silvestris catus) will be made illegal, This does not apply to wild cats that will can be owned and shown in zoos and other acceptable places for their display.

Can you imagine? The domesticated house cat will no longer exist in another generation. imagine living your life having never known a cat! This nation will be cured of it's cat problem just like it was cured of polio!

Fuck you lolcats!

Plus then women will actually have to find a man to live with. Children will be born. We will be forced to expand as a nation... possibly out into the stars!

Long Live Space America!!!

That leads me to my plans for NASA.