When I Am President... Urinals

When I'm President... I will require ever mens bathroom to have at least one urinal and one toilet. This law is the fault of you pussy whipped men that have to leave the seat down. You fucking pussies.

Because of you assholes I have to touch a the toilet seat (that has your ass on it and is inches away from piss and shit) and then my dick. Fuck you assholes for that. Because of you everyone has to pay. Now get ready to put in some fucking urinals.

What Makes Us Human?

Scientists oft contemplate the difference between humans and animals. What separates us from the animals?

Well in my 30 something years I have seen a few things. Traits that we think are uniquely human I have seen in animals.

Animals have sex for fun, Animals kill for fun, animals mate for life, animals have feelings, animals can find their home from hundreds of miles away, animals will stop others from fighting. Animals can understand language. Animals do everything that we do. I have seen this. Except one.