Gas Station Peanuts

Be me.
Be at gas station to use bathroom... do i want to get a snack while I'm here?
Go in bathroom.
*pull dick out to piss*
Think...huh... nuts.
Peanuts sounds good.
Continue drive while snacking on dill pickle, ranch, and salted roasted peanut.

When I Am President... Urinals

When I'm President... I will require ever mens bathroom to have at least one urinal and one toilet. This law is the fault of you pussy whipped men that have to leave the seat down. You fucking pussies.

Because of you assholes I have to touch a the toilet seat (that has your ass on it and is inches away from piss and shit) and then my dick. Fuck you assholes for that. Because of you everyone has to pay. Now get ready to put in some fucking urinals.